Clean Room
by Lancetheyoung
Summary: A moment from the series I just had to expand on. Hope you'll enjoy.


Peace, my name is Lance. I've never written an EVA story before, although I've read and reviewed a large number of the ones I've read here on This is just a little humor idea that was at first nothing more then a bubble in my brain I thought I'd put on paper. But as I started typing I kept going, the story getting bigger and bigger as I continued imaging the reactions of the three children. Eventually it got big enough that I figured I could post it here.

I got the idea watching episode 13. I didn't care much for the episode but I found the simple idea of the three children piloting their EVAs nude hilarious (although it seemed a horribly kinky thing for a military organization like NERV to do). Too bad they didn't get to fight an angel that way. But my main complaint was that we didn't get to see them walk across that clean room. I just think things would've been funny. Nothing sexual, this isn't a lemon or anything, but I hope it'll make you smile.

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Simulation EVAs with simulation entry plugs. Shinji had to ask himself- why did they need to do this test? Weren't the normal EVAs working just fine? Was NERV planning to construct more EVAs? Was this supposed to be a battle simulation where they prepared for fighting another angel? Or was it something else entirely? Was it another one of NERVs oh-so-shadowy secrets with his father pulling the strings like a grand puppeteer?

But the one question more persistant then any other to Shinji as he and his two fellow pilots walked through the clean room fresh out of the wash cycle was this-

Did they really have to do this in the buff?

The Third Child, trembling like mad, simply kept his eyes straight ahead of him, resisting the strong urge to turn his neck, "Not looking, not looking, not looking..."

Asuka kept an angry look on her face as she also walked straight ahead, "If you do look Ikari, I'll rip it off! Understand?"

Knowing that the threat was real, Shinji did his best not to cross his legs and hide his threated appendage. Instead, to ensure that he didn't get a single eyefull, he craned his neck upward to the tile ceiling. "I'm not looking at anything. Okay? I can't see anything!" Although in his head he was still strongly tempted to find out if that was really Rei's natural hair color.

"I can't believe I'm doing this!" cried the Second Child in a voice of total indignation. She rose her hands in front of her as though squeezing an invisible watermelon. "I swear that once I get back to the command center, I'm gonna grab Dr. Akagi by that stupid blonde hair of hers and just AAARGH!" she cried, as he ripped the melon apart.

"That doesn't seem logical," interjected the usually-silent Rei, who was walking smoothly on Shinji's other side. "Dr. Akagi is only making sure no problem arrises during the test."

Asuka leaned behind Shinji's neck to glare at the first child. "By putting us in the same room. Nude. It's bad enough I have to live with this loser, I don't need to be next to him like this!"

Shinji frowned, muttering weakly under his breath, "I'm not a loser."

The Second Child turned her glare to Shinji, making sure he kept his eyes upward. "Are you looking?" she cried in a near hysterical voice.

The boy gulped, not moving his head at all dispite the growing pain in his neck, "No, I swear! I'm not looking at anything!"

Thinking about the sureness that the Third Child wouldn't notice, Rei made a decision. She leaned forward and turned to get a good veiw of Shinji's... "prog knife". The next instant, Misato Katsuragi's voice was heard over the loudspeakers of the room.

"Oh my God, did she just check him out?"

Surprised, Shinji slipped on the moist white floor, landing hard on his back as Rei blushed. Before the First Child could think up some excuse, Dr. Akagi's voice was heard to hiss "Misato, shut up!"

Asuka wheeled her head to the camera in the upper corner of the room, gazing through the steam at the lens.

The red light on it was blinking.

"OH MY GOD! YOU PERVERTS!"

Makato's voice came over the speakers now, obviously in a panic, "Asuka, calm down!"

"I can't believe you'd do this to me! It's insane! What the hell happened to 'Respecting our privacy', huh?"

Rubbing his head, Shinji sat up, reaching out to the insane red-head, "It's not that big a deal, Asuka! Relax!"

Asuka turned around, prepared to let off some steam at her favorite target for hitting when she pulled back, disgusted. Apparently in the shock of what had just happened Shinji had forgotten the threat she had made earlier. And he was looking right at her.

"YOU LOOKED!"

Shinji stood up, brain scrambling to make a case but the suddenness of it and the fact that a trickle of blood was coming out of his nose didn't make it seem like it he could say anything to calm the situation down. "Asuka, I-"

He didn't say much else, Asuka lunged at him and he sloppily ran to the side, causing her to land on her face where he once stood. But as he dodged, his gaze fell directly of Rei. He stopped short, all other thoughts chased from his mind.

"Huh... that is your color-"

Shinji was cut off. Asuka's hands closed around his throat, choking him as she shook him violently. "I can't believe you, Third Child!" she cried as she continued to violently throttle him. "You filty pervert! You're probably creeping around the apartment sniffing panties, aren't you!"

Rei watched as Asuka Langley Shoryu continued in assaulting Commander Ikari's son. She watched as he sputtered and gasped for air, all pleas and excuses unable to go up his throat past Asuka's iron grip. Having grown attatched to the Third Child since the battle with Ramiel, the blue-haired girl grabbed Asuka's wrists, squeezing them until they came off his throat and he fell to the floor coughing.

"Do not hurt Ikari-Kun."

"My... my hands! You bitch!" screamed Asuka as she slapped Rei's face so hard her head did a 360.

Rei rose a hand to her cheek. That _hurt_. She was amazed the Third Child could take one every day. For all her faults, Asuka could apparently do some real damage onto someone's face. Involuntarilly, one of Rei's bluish-white eyebrows twitched in anger.

Shinji looked up just in time to see Rei's retaliatory grab of the German girl's long red hair. As the First Child flung the Second into a wall, the Third simply sat there, naked on the floor. He wasflabbergasted at the scene before him. His brain had shut down, his eyes were burning in his skull. A electric charge was blowing through his nervous system. He was unable to move any part of him... save one. As Asuka stood up again, hands balled into fists and marching toward Rei withthe fire of hell in her eyes, two blessed words escaped Shinji's stupified lips.

"Cat... fight..."

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On the command bridge, the crew sighed as the chaos in the clean room sounded on the speakers and showed on the monitors.

"Congratulations, Misato," said Ritsuko in an irritated and sarcastic voice, "You let them know we were watching them."

The Major frowned, "Oh, sure. Blame me, everything's my fault."

"If they cause any damage to the clean room, it's coming out of your pay."

"What? How is that fair?"

"Uh..." Makoto blinked at his screen, ignoring the two long-time friend's fight behind him, "Shouldwe really be watching this?"

Aoba grimaced,backingaway from his monitor,"Yeah, I don't really feel comfortable watching two underage girls smack each other around naked... Wait a minute, what's Shinji doing?"

Maya's eyes widened, "Oh, my God! I think he's..."

Fuyutski had been monitoring the Commander's face as the situation in the clean room became more and more chaotic. His expression was as grim and impassive as normal, but when Shinji began to show his... enthusiasm of the new turn of events, Gendou's seemingly perpetual grimace became more pronounced.

"Sensei," said the commander calmly, not moving from his spot, "Do you recall the suggestion you made of placing collars on the pilots?"

The gray-haired man blinked, "Uh... you mean using electrified collars to teach them to be less embarrassing to us? I was really just joking..."

Commander Ikari simply stared at the image on the screen, "After carefull deliboration, I've decided it's an idea I can get behind. Make it happen."

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If you can't figure out what Shinji was doing, re-watch the hospital scene of End of Evangelion.

Sooo... what'dja think? I hope it made youlaugh or at least smile. It's a funny idea I just ran with. If your opinions are positive, negative, or even neutral, please leave a review. I'd love to hear from you...


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